August 17, 1986 Andrew's Christening Day Andrew is my youngest son. He left us on August 18, 1986 to go live in heaven with the Angels. He was just on loan to us for a short time. Knowing him has changed our lives forever. Shortly after becoming pregnant with Andrew I began to have bleeding problems. I had several hemorrhages and required several blood transfusions. Andrew tolerated the problems I was having much to the surprise of the doctors. His heart rate and movements never changed, so the we kept praying that I could continue to carry him to term. Andrew was born on March 23, 1986 weighing just 800 grams and was only 11 inches long. He was delivered via an emergency Cecesarian Section. I was hemorrhaging again, and was unable to continue with the pregnancy. Andrew was not due until July 7, so he entered the world very, very premature. His daddy watched the doctors deliver him while I was sleeping. They wisked him away to the NICU. When I woke up, the doctor and my husband were very happy because Andrew was crying and moving around. He was tiny, but showed that he was a fighter. My first look at my son was on a polorid picture they had taken after he was intubated and place on a breathing machine. Finally, the next day I got to go to the NICU and see my son. I will never forget how I felt when I walked into that NICU that first time. I saw my beautiful little son lying there on an open bed hooked to tubes and IV's and my heart wanted to break. I wanted so much to be able to go through all of that suffering for him. I was helpless. All I could do for my son was to make him clothes. LOL He was the best dressed kid in the NICU. He had a hat for every day. I bought them in the toy department. And, I used the little teddy bear tee shirts for him too. I cut the open down the back and put velcro on them so he could be dressed easily. I crocheted him slippers so his feet wouldn't get cold. I know it was probably silly, but it made me feel like he was having some sort of normal life. It was amazing. When we walked into the NICU, and he heard our voices his heart rate would go up. He would become more animated. It was wonderful to realize he knew us. We were able to bond with him even in the NICU. Slowly Andrew began to gain weight. He eventually was able to come off of the ventilator and breathe on his own. He even began sucking and was able to eat from a bottle. Finally, the day came when he would come home from the hospital and live with his family. He was still on nasal oxygen, an apnea and heart monitor, and was on several medications, but he was doing well. Andrew was home for 5 weeks. On August 17, 1986 we had a Christneing for him. He had been baptized in the hospital, but so many of our family, friends, fellow parishners, neighbors, had been praying for him, we decided to have a celebration. We had a ceremony at church, and then a party back at our home. All of the people we cared about were with us. We were so happy to be able to share Andrew with them. I awoke the next morning and checked on Andrew. Something just wasn't right. I picked him up from his cradle and woke his daddy. He just wasn't himself. I began dressing while holding him. I wanted to get him to the doctor right away. My husband took him from me so that I could get dressed. I looked at my son and watched him take his last breath. I immediately grabbed him, telling Gary to call the EMS, and began CPR. It seemed like hours when the EMS arrived and took over doing CPR. We followed our precious son to the hospital. We waited and prayed he would be ok. Finally, the doctor came to us and said "I'm sorry." I thought I would die right there. Never in my life had I felt such pain. How was I going to tell his brother and sisters that Andrew was never coming home again. They had just gotten to know him. After a short time, a nurse came out and got Gary and I. We went to where our son was waiting for us. I held him for a long time. I was rocking him in a rocking chair that the nurses had gotten for me to sit in. Looking down at my son, I reallized that he was where hebelonged. He was in Heaven with God and the Angels. The hardest thing for us was telling eveyone who had just spent the day before celebrating Andrew's life. It proved to be very good threapy for us. Helping others understand what had happened was very insturmental in the grieving process for us. Kelly, Bud, and Samantha each put something special in Andrew's coffin for him to take to Heaven with him. We miss him, but we feel his presence with us, and we feel lucky to have known him. We love you Andrew. This poem was sent to us when Andrew died. I do not know who the author is, but it has given us so much comfort. I'll lend you for a little time, A child of mine He said. For you to love there as he lives, And mourn when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, Or twenty two or three. But will you, 'til I call him back, Take care of him for Me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, And shall his stay be brief. You'll have his lovely memories, As solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, Since all from earth return. But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn. I've searched the wide world over, In my search for teachers true. And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, Nor think the labor vain. Nor hate Me when I come to call, To take him back again? I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, thy will be done. For all the joy Thy child shall bring, The risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, We'll love him while we may. And for the happiness we've known, Will ever grateful stay. But shall the angels call for him, Much sooner than we planned. We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, .....And try to understand.